back to parenting basics
After reaching out to my village (you included) I realised: I’ve lost my parenting way. I don’t intend to sound dramatic or down-trodden – not at all. But in the midst of my emotion and vulnerability it became blatantly clear that I have disregarded my values and relaxed my boundaries and it’s not serving my family well. With such a realisation comes an enormous sense of relief – the root of the problems are obvious.I took the tv away and yes, it was a drastic move, but it has worked wonders. Perhaps what has been most confronting is the amount of times I have caught myself thinking: “I’ll just turn the tv on for 15 minutes whilst I send these emails/make this phonecall/prepare dinner…” Clearly I was relying on it to make homelife easier for me – a quick fix that, rather ironically, created complications in the long run. So the big, black screen is in the garage with a towel over it and I’ve created beautiful space in the loungeroom. How have the children reacted? Surprisingly well. Yes they have asked for it and I’ve taken to explaining clearly and and calmly that I didn’t think it’s the best thing for us right now and that perhaps we can read a book, go outside, listen to music instead. At the moment I have no desire to bring it back and so it stays, out of sight and out of mind.
Che and I have spent the past few days discussing our emotions and how we can express them without hurting others. The simple art of conversation has helped immensely; talking one-on-one without distraction. Why did I not realise that his sadness over Daniel is coupled with the overwhelm of a brand new school routine? I’ve been so busy and so caught up in missing Daniel that I haven’t been very present – it took a screaming, angry six-year-old to tell me that for now, I’m the only parent and I’m desperately needed. I need to step up and in doing so, get back to parenting basics – talking, listening, encouraging good manners, discussing boundaries, expressing endless love.
The past few days have been happy and relatively calm. I’m so grateful for all the comforting, wise comments you left earlier in the week – I read each and every one and gained strength from your words and experiences. Thank you.
In other news…
- It’s Friday! How did that happen?
- Daniel is in Manila (Philippines) and today he visited the city’s largest garbage dump where local kids are learning how to grow and sell their own food.
- I’m in the midst of a wardrobe purge. Stay tuned for a garage sale on instagram in the next few weeks. Reduce, reuse, recycle.
- I’ve been eating eggs every morning and I’ve noticed a big difference in my energy levels.
- The last few nights have been a little cool – a welcome relief.
- The house smells of eucalyptus and peppermint – a lovely mixture for your oil burner.