on turning 30
I turn 30 in early-April and it’s affecting me more than I expected. I distinctly remember watching Daniel at this stage five years ago; all of a sudden he wanted to change careers, support his family by doing something that he loved, build a nest egg. I didn’t get it at the time – his rush to make immediate change seemed a little intense. But now? I wholeheartedly understand his mindset. It does feel like time is racing and I need to get things sorted, completed, accomplished – dramatic yes, but the sense of urgency is very real.
It’s been interesting to observe this sudden change in my priorities and intentions. My career has never been as important to me as it is now and yet I’m often thinking about a third baby. Since Poet was born I’ve always said: “I’ll be pregnant again before my 30th birthday” – now I’m quite grateful that it didn’t work out that way; three months of solo parenting whilst pregnant would have been completely overwhelming. Regardless of when it happens, I know that another baby will put a lot of career opportunities on hold (particularly for that first year) and I’m not sure if I’m ready to let that happen just yet. Career or motherhood or the inevitable juggle of both – the universal dilemma for women. For me, it’s the first time I’ve felt the pull from both sides.
Regardless of the pressure I’ve seemingly attached to 3-0, I had to laugh when I saw the most recent issue of Kinfolk. You see, it’s “the ageing issue” and within its pages is a photo of me (taken by Luisa). If thirty means sitting at a cafe in solitude I suppose it won’t be that bad (wink, wink).
Did you have this same experience as thirty approached? Do you feel the tug between motherhood and career?
Photo: Luisa Brimble